I’ve always considered myself a fairly unattached person when it comes to expectations and outcomes of creative projects and relationships in my life, so much so that I’ve often been given the name of Serendipity. I’ve even at times felt like I have had to “fake enthusiasm” when I felt like my own didn’t match the magnitude of the situation. Why then.. did I find myself waking, heart pounding, from a crazy dream just a few weeks ago…goes something like this..Me and my lovely family over at a couples home for dinner when suddenly I had this incredible urge to run. I instantly realized that we were whats for dinner..There was an energy force like a vacuum that was about to devour us, so I grabbed all of my THINGS and started running. I also snatched up my youngest, Teaghan, and as I noticed her sister, Brenna standing in the doorway of darkness, similar to the scene in Poltergeist, grabbed her with my other arm. I was finding it really hard to run as the force was getting stronger. With a child in each arm, and all of the stuff I was trying to bring with me it became nearly impossibly to move. I was stressed about all of the clothes falling out of my half zipped suitcase, but still would not drop it. The apex was when I turned to my husband who was already very confused by our dinner party turned voracious energy field, and told him to go back to grab my Macbook. Whoever said that God speaks to us in whispers…well that just isn’t always the case in my life. This dream was much different the the etherial ones that usually grace my sleep, and a no joke, slap in the face lesson on non-attachment. That day as I walked around my home I noticed a bookshelf full of dusty yoga books(the kind you surround yourself with when you first begin to teach because it gives you an air of confidence you don’t believe you naturally possess) a desk full of papers, notes, and bills from not one, but two yoga studios, I have recently opened. I glance at my macbook, the thing I so willingly sent my husband into the flesh eating energy pit for, desktop cluttered with icons of old yoga photos, flyer, links, anatomy pics..on and on. I began to wonder if this was a reflection of my mind..the thing I came to yoga to calm, just cluttered with new attachments. Here I was, caught somewhere between the business of yoga and the heart of yoga. If the spiritual path is all about letting go, why then have I acquired so much crap!! I am admittedly attached to my macbook, facebook, yoga books, and liberation. The Vedantic scriptures say, “Even the desire for liberation is bondage.” I guess it is inevitable being human, living in this society, holding this passion, and given the serendipitous nature of my life thus far. Thankfully when I stray of the path too long God screams at me to get back on, and always continue practicing. Really that is the essence of it, PRACTICE. I have been practicing letting go and packing a little lighter these days so that I can zip my suitcase completely. I have also witnessed the beauty of being able to stay. There is something powerful about staying in a moment when you have the urge to flee… Staying present in the midst of chaos, that as westerners we cannot run from, staying light in the eye of darkness, and staying calm in the face of fear. When we stay we can serve each other, and truly put our attachments down for a moment.

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